


To Let Go

by ObtuseOctopus



Series: Living in Hue [16]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Family Drama, Family Feels, Gem Egg Hell, Gemlings, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23081053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObtuseOctopus/pseuds/ObtuseOctopus
Summary: • Contains spoilers for recent episodes of SU; F •Life has been rolling smoothly since the arrival of the world’s first gemlings in eons.However, when one of the sires seem to stop showing interest in her daughter, Lapis can’t help but blame herself for it. Bismuth didn’t even want this.
Relationships: Bismuth/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Series: Living in Hue [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615498
Comments: 13
Kudos: 24





	To Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR BISMUTH CASUAL

“You can’t watch Pea tomorrow?”

“No, sorry, Blue. I’m gonna be busy tomorrow night.”

“That’s night though. I can watch her by then. What about in the afternoon?”

Bismuth sighed, shaking her head slowly. “I’d be busy prepping. I’m afraid I can’t watch Pea. I’m sorry, Lapis.”

And Lapis felt like her shoulders got heavy right then and there. “It’s fine.” She forced herself to turn away. “I’ll just ask someone else.” She acted like it was fine.

It for some reason… wasn’t.

Bismuth wasn’t available as often anymore.

Back before Pea and her sister had been born, Bismuth used to always want to make some time to see her whenever she wasn’t occupied with building of course. And when Pea had hatched, Lapis saw this… light in Bismuth’s eyes around the gemling. Bismuth had been proud and more than welcoming to the new addition. Pea was like her glory, her pride, her _daughter_.

But now, Bismuth was never around anymore if at all.

Lapis knew that this wasn’t an established relationship; this only happened because she had gone into heat around Bismuth and Peridot, which resulted with this. There wasn’t any prior dating or any kind of pining beforehand. They were playing this by ear for the most part.

So why did Lapis feel… empty?

She shouldn’t be. This shouldn’t be something that affected her this much. 

Yet, it somehow did.

Lapis leaned in to gently rub her chin over Pea’s head as she calmed the gemling down in the mess of pillows, getting comfortable and assuring the small Gem with her presence as well as her scent. She nuzzled her, letting out a soft hum. Pea smiled in response to her mother, quieting down and lying down in the nest. Beside her, Emily was already fast asleep. 

The sky outside was dark, stars twinkling. Night was upon them and it was past her daughters’ bedtime. Grateful that they were both now asleep- or on the way to dozing off anyway- Lapis watched over them both, adoration blossoming in her chest.

Years ago, she would’ve never dreamed of something like this.

Months ago, she had been locked in an emotional battle with herself. 

Months ago, she changed her alliance and found a true family. But never before had she found family any more closer than the one she had now. She would _never_ trade away her life that she had now. Her pain, her suffering, her learning and her running that eventually changed into facing her fears straight on was worth it.

It took so long… but it was worth it.

She just wished that… 

It couldn’t be sadness. They all _agreed_ nothing serious for now. It was just taking care of gemlings, nothing more. They’d be raised in a supportive and healthy environment, and grow up with love and fascination for this planet that Lapis came to accept. No strings attached, and no marriage.

So, why did it hurt? Why did it hurt that Bismuth just… stopped showing up as often as she did?

Lapis waited out a bit before succumbing to slumber, her eyes never leaving her brood until she fell asleep.

She decided to later confront Bismuth about the lack of appearances the following week, just before dusk. Peridot agreed to watching the gemlings in the meantime.

They met just outside of Little Homeworld, the colors in the sky like juicy molten fruit.

“Bismuth. We need to talk,” Lapis began as she approached the blacksmith, who was at work hauling some heavy lumber for a new home. 

“Oh! Geez, Lapis, hey! What’s going on?” Bismuth cleared her throat, anxiety ridden in her eyes. She set down the wood, dusting off her hands.

“We…” Lapis struggled to bring up the conversation. “We need to talk. About you… and Pea.”

“Pea? What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?!” Bismuth panicked.

Lapis was conflicted. Bismuth sounded worried. But was she really? “She’s fine,” Lapis assured. “Just that… you don’t come around as often as I’d like you to for her.”

Bismuth stared. She cracked her knuckles, then let one hand rest on her chin for a moment as she thought. “You’d like me to visit more often, don’t you?”

“Well… yes.”

Bismuth sighed. 

“I know that you didn’t ask for this-“ Lapis blurted, clenching her fists as she began to get upset. “But you can’t just start to neglect coming over and watching-“

“I know, I know. It’s just… a bit odd now I think of it. If anything, if anything like what we did ever happened, I’d want to share it with someone I love;” Bismuth said. “I’d want my first experience to be just like what I hoped; loving, lavishing, something that we can forever remember and cherish. Not because we had some hormones clouding our eyes.” She was distant as she spoke.

Lapis picked up on it. She knew that Bismuth wasn’t talking about her when it came to giving intimacy. She had seen the clues herself sprinkled around here and there.

“... You like her,” Lapis realized. “You like Pearl- as in more than just friends. You’re her Pierre.” She had seen how flustered Bismuth would get around her. It was no secret to her. Bismuth never had eyes for her. It was always, and had been, Pearl.

“I guess I can’t count on hiding it any more. I am,” Bismuth confirmed.

Lapis bit back her hurt. She had to be strong. “And I trapped you in a position that you never wanted to be in….”

“Aw, Lazu, no, don’t put it that way-.”

“No. It’s okay. That’s… actually what happened,” Lapis murmured, growing to dislike the nicknames that Bismuth gave her. “You said it yourself. Hormones. We don’t have what you have with Pearl. I’m not your Gem. Pea is your daughter, but this isn’t your future. It’s not with me,” Lapis said. “You belong with her, Bismuth. You belong with Pearl. You don’t belong here where you’re only here because of my hormones going funny.”

“Lapis-“

“I know I’m right, Bismuth.” Lapis boldly stood tall. “And I… I’m okay with that.”

“You… are?” Bismuth raised a brow.

Lapis nodded once. “It’s why you haven’t visited as often as you used to. You’re spending time with the Gem you actually love.” She faintly touched the blacksmith’s arm. The sire to one of her daughters, a Gem that understood and supported her… “... Go to her.”

“What about Pea? I can’t just leave her-“

“She has Peridot,” Lapis reminded, awed that Bismuth still thought of her daughter. “And her sister. She’d understand when she’s older.” She pulled her hand away. “You… can still visit her if you’d like. I just… don’t want to hold you back.”

Bismuth brushed her multi-colored hair out of her face. “You’re also holding back, ya know.”

“Huh?”

“Peridot. She’s matured a lot lately, and she’s definitely taken up the idea of empathy. She cares for your babies more than I ever could offer,” Bismuth sighed. “I love Pea. I love my baby with all my heart. But… Peridot is always there for her, even if she isn’t available.”

“But I don’t just want Peridot-“ Lapis said without any prior thought. Her emotions were forcing her to say things that came to her tongue without any kind of thinking beforehand about the consequences. “I want _you!”_

Bismuth’s eyes went wide.

Lapis awkwardly stepped back. She covered her mouth, hot with shame. Her eyes began to water. “I…” she stammered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I… fuck, I’m just… so… lost. I wanted this- and at the same time I don’t. I don’t… know what I’m doing. You… have someone. You already had someone before all of this. I only made it worse on you.”

“That isn’t entirely true. Yeah, I… like Pearl, but Pea was also the greatest thing to happen to me.”

“Then why do you not visit as often as you did? She’s growing up without you.”

“Things are… complicated. I can’t juggle being a parent AND in fifty places at once.”

“I know. I know. I should’ve asked you if you wanted this. Personally. Without Peridot around.”

“That… would’ve been nice. But I was _okay_ with you keeping them. I still am. That was entirely your choice.”

“I still drove you into…”

“Not your fault. Those were just your hormones. I acted the same way.”

Lapis bit her lip. “... Did you ever like me?”

Bismuth was quiet for a second or two before responding. “Perhaps I did for a moment. But… I was reminded of the Gems I truly love, outside of any natural instinct.” She turned to Lapis. “You should do the same. Listen to me; Peridot is one of the best sires that anyone can ever ask for. You take this chance, and you hang on tight to it. Because Peridot is a unique Gem, there is never anyone else like her. This is your chance to have a better future for both you and your babies, and you better bite all the way down to the juicy center of this tootsie pop. You’re never going to get the opportunity again. Don’t spend it on Gems like me- spend it on Gems like Peridot.”

Lapis looked up at her.

“Go. Go to her,” Bismuth urged, using Lapis’ own words from earlier at her. “Give my baby the best future that she can possibly get. Don’t worry about me. You wanted this, and I know you do. Even if I… won’t be there or there as often as I’d like. I’ll still visit when I can. But you? Give _yourself_ the best future too.”

There was a shared moment of quiet. Then, Lapis moved forward to tackle the bigger Gem in a hug. Bismuth returned it, gently patting Lapis’ shoulder.

When they had pulled away and parted ways, Lapis swore that her chest was choked up in its own waves of water, drowning. 

But within that same ocean, she found comfort. Bismuth officially chose her own path.

Al that was left was that she had to do the same and embrace the new era of change, all in hopeful favors of a better future.

**Author's Note:**

> // Originally in this AU, they were all gonna be a casual poly ship-...  
> Theeeen some stuff came up with Bismuth Casual airing that had me make a change with the original plan lol  
> So this was born. I’m gonna keep it this route unless Rebecca jumps me again


End file.
